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अंतरात्मा सिर्फ बड़े लोगों के पास होती है

एक नया व्यंग्य संग्रह आया है राकेश कायस्थ का ‘कोस कोस शब्दकोश’. एक चुटीला व्यंग्य उसी से हाजिर है- मॉडरेटर
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अंतरात्मा सिर्फ बड़े लोगों के पास होती है। बड़े लोग वो होते हैं, जिनका पीछा टीवी कैमरा करते हैं। जिनकी हर छोटी बात एक बड़ी  ख़बर बनती है और जिनकी सुबह टोकियो में और शाम तिहाड़ में गुजरती है। बड़े लोगों की अंतरात्मा उन्ही की तरह सभ्य और सुसंस्कृत होती है, एकदम ट्रेडेशिनल। वक्त बदला लेकिन बड़े लोगो की अंतरात्मा का अंदाज़-ए-बयां नहीं बदला। नई टेक्नोलॉजी का दौर है,लेकिन अंतरात्मा ना तो मेल करती है, ट्वीट ना एसएमएस। उसका काम सिर्फ आवाज़ देना होता है और वो भी इस कदर हौले से कोई तीसरा ना सुन सके। अंतरात्मा की आवाज़ अंतरात्मा धारक के कानों में पहुंचती है और वो फिर टीवी कैमरा या ट्विटर पर पूरी दुनिया को बता देता है उसकी अंतरात्मा ने क्या कहा है।

पूरी दुनिया को पता चल जाता है कि साढ़े चार हज़ार करोड़ के घोटाले में फंसे नेताजी इस्तीफा नहीं देंगे, क्योंकि अंतरात्मा ने कहा है कि तुम निर्दोष हो। मीडिया पूछती है कि अंतरात्मा ने ऐसा क्योंकहा है, जबकि सबूत पुख्ता मौजूद हैं। नेताजी कहते हैंमेरी अंतरात्मा तुम्हारे सबूतों से कहीं ज्यादा पुख्ता है। अंतरात्मा ने कहा है कि जब मैं तुम्हारे अंदर हूं, तुम्हे कोई अंदर नहीं कर सकता।

पौराणिक कथाओं में जिस तरह महानायक कवच कुंडल के साथ पैदा होते थे, उसी तरह आज के बड़े लोग भी अंतरात्मा लेकर पैदा होते हैं। अंतरात्मा आवाज़ ही नहीं देती, मुसीबतों के हल भी सुझाती है और अक्सर कोर्ट का फैसला आने से पहले क्लीन चिट भी दे देती है। आखिर बीस साल तक अदालत का फैसला आने का इंतज़ार कौन करे, बेहतर ये है कि अपनी अंतरात्मा से पूछ लिया जाये। अंतरात्मा विहीन जनता चकराती है और उसके मन में ये सवाल आता है कि अंतरात्मा आखिर होती क्या है और बड़े लोगों के शरीर के किस हिस्से में उसका वास होता है? लेकिन अंतरात्मा धारक कभी ये नहीं बताता क्योंकि ये अंदर की बात है। वैसे एक अनुमान ये है कि अलग-अलग लोगो की अंतरात्मा शरीर के अलग-अलग हिस्सो में वास करती है। सदाचारी नेताजी की अंतरात्मा उनसे कहा कि तुम ना नर होनारी हो, इसलिए हे तिवारी, तुम पर नाजायज बाप होने का आरोप नहीं बनता। जाओ मस्त रहो और डीएनए सैंपल भूले से भी मत दो। नेताजी मना करते रहे, लेकिन उनसे जबरन सैंपल ले लिया गया और ये साबित भी हो गया कि नेताजी सचमुच नर हैं। लेकिन नेताजी ने कहा लैब टेस्ट का नतीजा झूठा हो सकता है, लेकिन अंतरात्मा सच्ची है।नाजायज बाप होने के इल्जाम तो ख़ैर पुराना था, तब नेताजी अधेड़ थे। वैसे बुढ़ापे में राज्यपाल होकर भी नेताजी एक बार कैमरे के सामने  आत्मा तृप्त करते पाये गये थे। पार्टी ने साथ छोड़ दिया, लेकिन अंतरात्मा ने भरपूर साथ दिया और एक बार फिर क्लीन चिट दे दी। आखिर एक तरह के मामले में ताउम्र क्यों फंसते रहे, नेताजी? समझना मुश्किल नहीं कि उनकी अंतरात्मा शरीर के किस हिस्से में वास करती होगी।

कुछ लोग ऐसे होते हैं, जो अपनी अंतरात्मा को सदाचारी नेताजी वाली जगह नहीं बल्कि अपनी जेब में रखते हैं। ऐसे लोग स्वावलंबी, सशक्त और राष्ट्र निर्माण में पूरी तरह सक्षम होते हैं। इन लोगों में सीबीआई, मीडिया और जजो तक का ह्रदय परिवर्तन कराने तक की क्षमता होती है। इनकी अंतरात्मा जेब से बाहर झांकती है, मुस्कुराती है और दुनिया के सुर अचानक बदल जाते हैं। जेल फाइव स्टार होटल बन जाते हैं, जांच एजेंसियां वक्त पर चार्जशीट फाइल नहीं कर पातीं और गवाह अपनी अंतरात्मा की आवाज़ सुनकर आखिरी वक्त पर बयान बदल लेते हैं।

हॉलीवुड और बॉलीवुड वालों की अंतरात्मा का मामला थोड़ा और अलग है। पाकिस्तान से आई अभिनेत्री वीना मलिक एक पत्रिका के लिए न्यूड तस्वीरें खिचवाईं। बाद में उन्होने कहामाई कांशस डज नॉट टेल, आई हैव डन एनी थिंग रांग। यानी उनके दिल यानी अंतरात्मा ने कहा कि उन्होने गलत कुछ भी नहीं किया। वही दिल जिसके चोली में पाये जाने की पुष्टि कविवर आनंद बख्शी और शोमैन सुभाष घई ने फिल्म खलनायक में दो दशक पहले कर दी थी। इस आधार पर निष्कर्ष निकाला जा सकता है कि अंतरात्मा का वास अंतर्वस्त्रों में भी होता है। सिनेमा की दुनिया में निर्मल ह्दय वालों की कोई कमी नहीं, इसलिए रैंप से लेकर पर्दे तक अंतररात्मा के आड़ोलन की होड़ मची रहती है। देखो मेरा दुग्ध धवल.. ह्रदय, देखो  मेरी अंतरात्मा कितनी पाक साफ है। अंतर्वस्त्रों में झांकना हिंदुस्तानियों का मनपसंद शगल रहा है। भरपूर तांका-झांकी के बाद जब आत्मा तृप्त हो चुकी होती है, तब झांकने वाली की अंतरात्मा जागती है और वो कहता है–  राम-राम-राम अश्लीलता बढ़ती जा रही है।

 
      

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